honestly.
my mind is full of thoughts but i cannot get anything out.

right now i am writing and deleting things, nothing seems right.

ok.

these days I just can't get well with the world. nights before going to sleep i promise myself that i wake up different. that I will wanna do things and I will go do them, because I need my life to be different. I want it to be different, just dont know how to get there which scares me. I know that its not going to be easy and as soon as i start moving towards my dream it will get easier, I just need to start. But then comes this other half of me who hopes that somebody will come with a wizard wand and it all work ok.

"Darling, it wont".

And i know it, i just wish things were easier, clearer. I really do not understand what I am doing wrong in some cases. Everything seemed to be working out good between us and then you just shut me out. why? or was it me, who thought that this can be a real nice thing? and it was just a little summer thing and summer is over and it is over now and we move on?

Maybe for some people it is easy to come back to a real life and pretend nothing has changed, but everything has changed and what has happened cant un-happen. I honestly did not plan that, I didnt need that, because I knew that I do not want to leave anymore of my heart anywhere else. But well it happened and now it hurts. in all the different ways.

"Its time to forget" they say. But i feel it. yet it hit me so much harder than i thought it  would.

wish somebody could explain me how i feel about you.